Can't Sleep.. Too Psycho Part I

I'm writing this blog because right now I'm psycho, can't sleep, just really mad about something that happened.

I believe that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are all responsible for who we become.

Where I'm from nobody had it easy growing up, we all had to go through a lot of hard times. Pretty much nobody had money when I was growing up. I've had to deal with a lot of things, but I've always known that there were other people who had it worse. I've seen people rise above everything, and other people let their past hold them back. I made a promise to myself that I'd never be a victim. I met a girl who was a true victim and she had it a lot worse then I did growing up, unthinkable things were done to her. I liked this girl a lot, and always tried to uplift her. We are all responsible for what we become.

I have a habit of burying my emotions, hiding my fears, and ignoring my demons. I've never been played before, and I don't know how to handle it. Right now I'm a psycho. Trying not to get carried away, cuz if I get carried away, who's gonna carry the weight?

From time to time we all ask what if.. In the situation with this girl, I'm asking what if.. She had a lover who passed away.. if he was still alive, would he get cheated on too?? What if.. What if.. Daddy never hit mom? What if.. What if P never did me wrong.. I can't ask what if.. I just have to appreciate everything for what it is.. But I catch feelings.. I ain't here cuz I fell down, I'm here cuz I got up. Some people can't get back up, I'm thankful for Dedication. I'm thankful that I always have something to look forward to. I'm thankful For the Fam. You have to appreciate everything for what it is, even if you don't know what it is, just live.

I'm hurt, kicked, beaten but not shattered. Everyday I live. Sometimes those buried demons, and emotions come out, I learned a while ago to not try to control what you feel. I've also learned that the details never matter. 2 of my best friends passed away, I've only accepted one of them as passing. People ask me about details, that doesn't matter.

I should be just mad that I got played, but right now I'm like those people, focusing on the details. The fact that I brought girl flowers, a Happy Birthday Card, Chocolates and some other stuff the same day, and I left and everything was good, then when I left.. Somebody else came through.. That's just details.. The details will drive you crazy, Fuck the details.

I know I'm wack for catching feelings, But I'll be alright.. Just have to focus on me, gotta sound good, look good, and be smart. If I keep my head strong and my heart pure everything will be alright. Just have to make it through the night, cuz every storm passes.

When things are out of your control you have to Fugheddaboutit.. Capiche?