Can't sleep.. Too Psycho Part II

So if you read the last post you might of got out of it that I got played, got done dirty or what not. Really I don't know what to think about all of that.

But I was mad for over a week. I tried to just ignore the situation, I tried to deal with it by telling other people what happened. I wouldn't tell them the who what when where why and how. I'd just share some details to get it off my chest. It was wierd like I wasn't necessarily sad, I was just mad. Like a psycho.

So girl started texting me on Monday, it was feeling like things were gonna be alright. Trying to patch things up I guess. I showed up at her house and she started dissing me a little bit. One thing led to another and I eventually went off on her. She told me that she was testing me and I failed. So I told her she been failing all my tests.

The problem is I wasn't just name calling. I talked about how I could never trust her, how I thought she was bi polar. How she blames everybody else for her problems, talks bad about her friends and then I kept going. I went in on character defects, on her whole way of thinking. I spent two hours going off, and girl teared up twice during that and swung on me a couple of times during that. Luckily I'm fast as lightning and avoided getting hit haha..

I feel bad about doing that, I mean you can look at it like she deserved it, or she needed to hear it. But really I'm only here to uplift. It's really my fault for not checking girl, instead I was just holding back thinking that she was a distraction and letting everything go without saying anything. Because I thought I could make it until March and then when I go back home, it's like Peace B@@&h hahah, sorry.. When I caught feelings for the distraction that's when it all started getting messed up. I should never bring a girl down like that. Nobody deserves that.

So I went and got her flowers knowing my apology would fall on deaf ears. Sometimes you get so blinded by things that you can't pay attention, or you just act weird when your in that drama storm. I may have said some things I regret.

I could talk bad about somebody all day but really there's no point. If girl hurts me, or makes me feel really good, she's still doing more then anybody else. After the trial and after VK passed away I was just numb for months, I couldn't feel. Girl made me feel again. I'mma always love and respect her for that. She gave me something to look forward to, gave me inspiration, brought me back to life. And girl reminded me that I can pull females. I know that some people think I can just pull whatever I want, but that isn't true at all.. I never know how to get at them, and I never got love from the ones that I wanted.

I guess my confidence got upped a lot through everything. When I broke up with my ex people told me there were plenty of other fish in the sea.. I responded, But I'm from the river, and it's winter. I said I have to love myself before I could love anybody else. Right now I know that if I focus on myself, keep my head strong and my heart pure that everything else will work itself out. Good girls, bad girls, crazy girls, all types been showing me love I just been too drunk to notice hahaha.. Not really drunk in the sense of alcohol, I just haven't been here. Everyday I live, everyday is fun. :) :) Sorry for going in on you like that, you deserve much better.