After about day 9 of firefighting and being in the woods I ran into somebody named Rambo who was on a camp crew. He had a notebook and I asked him to get me one. So after 9 days of firefighting I started writing. It was cold wet and miserable, I was kinda feeling down. This is what I did to cope. A collection of poems, songs and thoughts from the fireline. I know they're kind of sad, but it gave me something to put my mind into. There's more just didn't feel like sharing everything I wrote. I filled that whole little notebook in like 4 days haha..
Misses V are you missing me?
Did you think of him
when kissing me?
You can learn something from everything
what was I meant to see?
Some things just ain't meant to be
a lot of cracks in our history
Painfully refreshing, listerine
La jefa la reyna
a Bitch or queen?
Hair, smile and a booty can't fit in jeans
To tell you the truth, I'm missing you
I'd give anything just to visit you
Every second every hour I think of you
Angels exist, living proof
You will always be loved, I will always love you
So sorry for the trouble, there's no others above you
Los ojos, el pelo, but most of all your touch
Thankfull to know you, still love you so much..
I hope he (Variation 1)
I hope he gives you everything your heart could desire
and treats you better then you've ever been treated
I hope he has you feeling, loved, wanted, respected and needed
Most importantly gives you something to believe in
I hope he makes you smile and makes you laugh
and makes the present forget the past..
I hope ya'll have a blast
I hope one day ya'll are driving fast, and both ya'll fucking crash
You left me for him.. Kiss my fucking ass
I hope he (Variation 2)
I hope he gives you everything your heart could desire
and treats you better then you've ever been treated
I hope he has you feeling, loved, wanted, respected and needed
Most importantly gives you something to believe in
I hope he makes you smile and makes you laugh
and makes the present forget the past..
Because you deserve nothing less then the best
something like perfection
cuz you're the strongest person I know
from only you I accept rejection.
And if your man ever messes up
in the slightest bit at all
I hope you still have my number
Give me a call
If today was my last day
Tell Paula I love her
Tell Judy I miss her
Tell my momma I'm sorry
Hug my brothers and sisters
Tell Kim I tried
Give the cuzzos my ride
I've been staring through the window
and now I'm inside
Tell Clay hold it down
Tell Dozer start living
Tell my fans I love them
tell the haters they're forgiven
Tell my killer thank you
Tell the world I'm free
Give my heart to my fam
and Bury me a G
Morena Morena "Mi Favorito"
Morena Morena
I wish you existed
Morena Morena
You've got me so grifted
mas bonita del mundo
smart, uplifting, beautiful
the most amazing girl that you could know
hard working, intelligent and musical
I wish you really existed
curly hair pretty smile and through her almond eyes
is a wold that's different
Morena Morena
I wish you were real
Morena Morena
You help me to feel
If you were real I'd be afraid to know you
Couldn't imagine all the things I go through
I wish you were here and I miss you so much
Even though we never met You're always cheering me up
Just the thought of somebody so perfect
smart funny and a real hard worker
If you were mine you'd be la reyna
I hope one day to meet a Morena
Get me the fuck up out of Here
My head hurts shoulders hurt
feet hurt hands swollen
gotta stomache ache, back ache, no pain showing
cold feet, wet boots, miles left of walking
No girls, no food, and people won't stop talking
Heartbroke no hope can't seem to focus
body drained, mind strained bugs swarming like locust
rain coming, feet moving, can't see clear
Somebody please get me the fuck up out of here!!
Nothing
Going through the motions, eating breathing robotic
emotionless narcotic with nothing to do
Sometimes I fear having nothing to prove
even more having nothing to look forward to
"nothing" will kill you
when asked if I have a problem I'll say it's nothing
probably bluffing, sometimes nothing is so handcuffing
But nothing is what I pretend to need
cut deep with nothing to bleed
They say man comes with a hole in his heart and nothing can fill it
Thought Judy and Paula helped they only made the hole bigger
Sometimes I just fire when nothing is the trigger
nothing, de nada another part of living
How do you solve a problem when nothing can fix it??
I got hate in my heart
I got hate in my heart for the mother fucker that killed Billy
For the court, the jury and his family as they all smiled when his killer walked free
I got hate in my heart for the cop that killed Sonya
For the rope that took too many of my friends to name
I got hate in my heart for Mathew Stevens
That softy still talking shit after our cousin got killed
making threats not knowing it's on when I see him
I got hate for my demons. Maybe the hate is from my dad when he was mad
watching him beat my mother, just me and my brothers hiding underneath them covers
wondering how he could do that if he really loved her.
I hold no hate for the teasing in my upbringing
but the scars don't go away they only deepen.
They say let it go. Take it as a lesson
But that hate drives me, and my lifes still threatened
the hate inspires me, keeps me sharp
Sometimes you have to strike first when you carry a target
the hate will kill you
it's hard to deal with
But when you're numb for so long it's a constant feeling
I was born with hate coming up as a native
it ain't going nowhere might as well just embrace it
A letter to Paula
From time to time I still think about you. I still miss you.
You showed me what love is and I threw it away. I know I messed up,
you always deserved better then the way that I treated you..
We choose to remember what we choose to remember
and all I remember is good. When you left I forgot how to act,
I was lost without you. I apologize for all of my actions.
I still think that you're beautiful, smart, funny and that you have a real big heart.
Thank you for showing me what love is. I learned a lot from you.
You treated me better then I ever deserved to be treated.
And were there for me whenever needed.
You deserve the best for all the work you put in.
Just for the person you are.
You're beautiful and I will always love you.
Thank You
Dru-P
I'll do my crying in the Rain
I'll do my crying in the rain
let them drops cover shame
can't be seen in this state
let that rain hide my face
I'll do my crying in the rain
let it wash away my pain
can't be seen in this state
let them drops cover shame
I've been hurting for weeks
and holding the pain in
cold wet and miserable
no need for explaining
Been trying so hard
but nothing is changing
Since she left
it hasn't stopped raining
If she seen me
She'd call me names
Not knowing she's the source of all my pain
and I don't really have anyone to blame
I'll do my crying in the rain
I'll do my crying in the rain
let them drops cover shame
can't be seen in this state
let that rain hide my face
I'll do my crying in the rain
let it wash away my pain
can't be seen in this state
let them drops cover shame
She hurt me bad, she cut me deep
Since she left can't seem to sleep
Wipe them tears off with my shirt
put on my hat and go to work
I'll do my crying in the rain
Cuz she can't see me in no pain
Opened my mouth and only said hi
Tried to talk but my tounge got tied
With so much pain deep down inside
and all this pain I have to hide
I'll do my cryin in the rain
wait baby please let me explain
She's happy now with another
Just can't let her see me suffer
I'll do my crying in the rain
Let them drops cover shame
She's happy now with another
Please don't let her see me suffer
Still love her
Wish she didn't do that, Not Man enough to Stop her
Wish she didn't do that, not man enough to stop her
My baby is so dam crazy and she never acting proper
All I do is spoil her, treat her like the best
In the back of my mind knowing she's still messing with her ex
I'm looking for something that could never really be
But at the same time I enjoy her company
When I try to confront her, she says it is what it is
I pretend that it isn't and everyday I wish
I wish she didn't do that, not man enough to stop her
Thinking she'll change but she's stuck in her ways
My girl "Friends" wanna punch her in the face
But there's comfort in the pain, passion in her eyes
Love in her smile and beauty in her soul
My heart was shattered and she made it whole
I'd give her the world and never abuse her
Not man enough to stop her, cuz I couldn't stand to lose her
(such a f'n loser :( hahahha))
Untitled
Every girl I ever had said she regretted ever knowing me
treated some good never let some close to me
and daddy wished he never had me
There once was love
Now they all just attack me
I don't like good girls, I like the mean ones
So every relationship is like a re run
Starts out good then they get their cheat on
I just want somebody to lean on
So lets have some fun,
please don't get upset
I'd love to be your next regret
It don't gotta be deep I don't need to trust you
to my daddy and them girls
just know I still love you...
Always
Mind Over Matter
Mind over matter
Gotta keep my mind over matter
I don't love you I love your illusion
You're beautiful, sexy amazing..
I even love that you're crazy
But I can't base everything off of attraction
mind over matter
Brains over passsion
Because what I have in my heart is everlasting
Beauty fades but dumb is forever
Dumb is contagious
Miss being Dumb together
When the memories hurt
I practice convenient amnesia
Just pretend it never happened
and I didn't have to leave ya
Your illusion can change, if I give it some time
I was blind to deception
Clueless to the lies
You ruined that perception
I'll heal if I try
Mind over matter keep my mind over matter
my minds all that matters
though I'm reminded far after...
(In response to mind over matter)
At the end of the day it's all in my head
Mind over matter just doesn't sound right
what do you do when your mind isn't right??
Blog
When I say I miss Paula that's only halfway true.
We haven't talked in like 3 years, I miss the idea of her. I miss the security.
I miss the love and trust. But I honestly don't remember her touch. She took care of me, cooked for me some bomb ass food. I miss talking to her. I know she's way different now, I know I'm different now, I know I didn't always treat her good or let her know what was on my mind. I know I fucked up. She told me all I represented was attraction. So after we broke up I promised myself that in my next relationship I would try harder. Met misses V and all I did was spoil her because she was the wold to me. I feel like I wasn't always real with Misses V. She wasn't looking for a man and all that had me confused. I love misses V but I guess some things just ain't meant to be. Even though we were never as close she got me back to living.
Gave me a new girl to miss. Made me feel again. I guess she insipred me. I'm not worried too much about finding a girl, but right now I could use one. I want somebody to spoil, I want somebody to talk to.
You might read this and think I'm soft. I wrote this all while wildland firefighting. While working hard, getting rained on, being miserable. So of course my mind would wander to better days and times. When I'm out here in the woods I'm alone and lonely. I miss and love Misses V, and Paula but at the same time I focus on me. They both have new boyfriends I'm still single. I work hard today for a brighter tomorrow, but always remember.
Dru-P loves you
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