You Go All Out or Be Gone

On my run today I remembered when somebody on the track team told me, after I went through a long Dru-P hiatus. "You need to get your heart broke again, so you can drop another Better Dayz".

And although I hate to admit it a lot of truth was said in jest. When I'm chilling in my own comfortable zone I can just chill, work, and handle my business. I don't need that attention or praise. I need somebody to come through and destroy me, fuck my whole world up, so I can rebuild.

Every time I've been brought down I've come back stronger. The hurt makes me work harder, makes me reach higher, and aspire to be better both physically and mentally. Every time you see me doing big things for myself, and not for the team. It's because I'm hurt. I'd usually prefer my cousins or my boys get shine instead of me, but I'd like to thank every girl who has brought me down.

Every body who has put me in the storm, and made me feel, all I can do is thank you. When you see me out here being crazy, wilding out, partying, and having fun. Just know that you're looking at a native who's heartbroken. You are looking at the worst of me, that's me dancing with my demons. I'm not really trying to make a point here, other then a broken heart will make you do crazy things. Never give up, you go all out or be gone. My addiction to winning makes it hard for me to end a relationship that's abusive or negative.

And instead of accepting defeat I have a habit of needing acceptance, needing shine, and needing praise from those around me. This habit makes me act irrational in the presence of rejection. It's a good and a bad thing. But with this current relationship ending, watch out.. I'm back. That Dru-P hiatus is over.

It's like my boy said when he was on a diet, "I need to eat something every once in a while to shock my system." This girl was a shock to my system, a needed distraction. I may have caught feelings and had them hurt, but I'mma come back stronger, faster and harder then before. You go all out or be gone. Thank you for the fuel, I still wuvvs you mami. Always and forever

Letter to the "Good Girls"

This is a letter to my "good girls" and not my good girls. The "Good Girls" are quick to cast judgment on others. They call the girls around me sluts, gold diggers, Dru-P groupies, crazy and ugly. Ya'll keep the real good girls away from me, because they don't want a label for being around me.

I invite you "good girls" to be crazy, dance with your demons, walk in another persons shoes. Because the so called sluts, gold diggers, and groupies have my back. A lot of them would do anything for me, and just because they're seen with me doesn't mean that I'm messing with them. When's the last time a "Good Girl" has ever done anything for me?

It's easy to form a perception of people, when you're on the outside looking in. Ms. Holy Roller can talk about all of the sins other people are committing, how many lives have you saved? What the fuck have you done with your life?

I didn't wanna answer the phone once because I was down, and that night the girl who hit me up committed suicide. When I'm down "Good Girls" have never been there for me. Shout out to the crazy's because when shit hit's the fan ya'll are there for me and have my back. So when I'm up, ya'll coming with me..

And to the real good girls, I don't bite, I'm not my nephew. hahhaha.. But real talk, don't worry about other peoples perceptions of you so much. Have fun, and as long as you're hearts in it, nobody can touch you.

Dru-P

As I prepare to leave EWU

Today I was kind of wondering about how I'm going to be remembered out here in Washington. As I get ready to leave, I was kind of reflecting on things I did out here. I feel like I've been doing it big from the second I arrived on campus. My freshmen year we did it real big out here, we were everywhere.

Then I got wifey'd up, spent years kind of laying low with girl. In that time it was like I knew everybody and was cool with everybody but hardly anybody knew me. I was everybody's friend in public but outside of shaking hands I only hung out with girl, the track team and that's pretty much it.

I went through that break up and ya'll seen me wilding out for a while. I would go all out in practice hoping that the fatigue in my body would take some pain from my heart. Spent a little while being crazy, and wildin' out. Then I focused on school and handled that business, kind of layed low. I feel like I'm out being crazy, being everywhere again as I get ready to leave.

My boy ran into a celebrity and off of his one meeting with him, he had the assumption that that celebrity was an asshole. Maybe celeb was having a bad day, maybe you were being a groupie or came at him wierd. But that got me thinking, that some people shape their whole perception of somebody off of one encounter. What do people think of me? How do I want to be remembered?

I can see how people could see me as an asshole, I know I threw some touch Pam's when I was heart broke. I know I went into clown mode on several occasions yelling "Pour some drink on that Bitch" and other times I'd actually pour drink on a b@#ch if she got out of line. When I felt disrespected I showed too much heart, or clowned too hard on several occasions. I know some people are going to hate me for that, while others love me for the fact that I don't hold back.

You can spend your life being upset with me because I clowned you, but look in the mirror, you deserved it on 95% of the occasions. I know people are going to remember me for Gamma Phi Garbage, but there's more story behind the track then most care to know.

I guess I would like to be remembered as that native, as real. I kind of got played out here, got done kind of dirty this last year by the first girl that I let get close to me since my ex. After I got played I swear girls were coming out of the woodworks, showing me love. I'm like where were ya'll in the 2 years prior? Timing is everything, and even though I know I'll catch feelings for people I let close to me., I'm still letting all of them get to know me a lot more then I have in the past. I've worked hard for everything I have, I've been through a lot in my life. I've always been dedicated and hard working, ya'll don't need to see that, I don't require anybody to show me love for the work that I put in. One thing people in Washington haven't seen is my love and respect for my family back home, out here I am the only native, out here I am always alone, but out here.. I represent..

I'm thankful to have ever been given the opportunity to get to know everybody. I've always had a lot of fun out here. Got nothing but love and respect for all of ya'll even my enemies. If you know me as Dru-P the nerd, the dope boy, the cuzzo, or that native. Just know to me ya'll the greatest. Shout out to Mike B, Mike D, Ant Shears, JJ, J Love, Quincy, Patrick Chessar, Kenny D, Curtis Suver, E Walt, James Conrick, Pre Married lil kev, G-Money, all the hunnies. Future playboy bunnies, and everybody who owes me money. My roommates Paulson, Zornes, Wags and everybody else.

Nothing but love..

Top 5 Scariest things I've woken up to. (3 of the 5)

OK so I said I'd do my top 5 scariest things that I've woken up to so far. Here's 3 of the top 5, Los Ojos de Linda is in the top 5 and later I will describe my crash that will round out the top 5. I'm not asking you to believe anything that I write, this is my own account of things I've seen, or experienced. My reality is different then your reality. I may see or feel things that others don't, everybody is unique in their interpretations of things. I think that the Voices is more of an honorable mention.

Held Against the Wall

When I was a senior in high school there were really bad earthquakes going on in Alaska. I felt like I was always fearless, so as the biggest earthquake hit, I think it was around an 8.0, I ran out of my dorm, and ran towards a lobby where I knew people were. Next thing I know the walls were like Jello, I don't know if the wall moved or something from the earthquake threw off my inner ear, but it felt like the wall just came out and hit me in the head. It was crazy. The backstory behind this is that C-Lay and I got stranded in Grand Coulee on our way to Lake Chelan, a very popular Memorial Day weekend party place. We spent most of the day in hickville stranded at a gas station. I had a dream where I was back in that gas station.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

One night recently when I was about to go to sleep I felt like I wasn't alone on my bed. I was tired so I prayed and then fell asleep. But in my dream I had drank one beer and somehow got wasted. Then it felt like I was floating towards the wall, kind of like doing the moonwalk. The wall came out and hit me, sort of how it did in that earthquake. Next thing I knew I was off the ground being held against the wall. Like something was pulling me up the wall outside of my control, and people in the gas station were staring at me scared.

When I awoke, I swear I landed on my bed. It was like I was floating in my sleep being held against the wall as well. It felt like there was something very evil Behind me, in the wall. I layed in that bed and prayed for about 30 seconds and then ran out of the room.

The craziest thing about that story is that I never slept in that room again, and when I told people back home that I was scared, they all freaked out.

Voices

Back in the day my big brother and I had basketball practice at 6 am, We slept with it pitch black in our room and we used to sleep on bunk beds. One morning I woke up before the alarm went off and I swear something whispered in my ear, "go back to sleep."

When I heard that I ran and turned the lights on, the next week I moved into the other room. And went to sleep listening to music from then on.

Grabbed By fallen Love

This was a very scary time for me. I used to mess with a girl who was very beautiful, but she had a sort of boyfriend/secret boyfriend/jumpoff who was murdered a few months before we started talking. She often said I reminded her of him. Sometimes at her house if it was dark I'd see things in the mirror or it would seem like I could see something out of the corner of my eye, but when I focused it would be gone.

One night it seemed like I was just about to go to sleep, and something grabbed me. It grabbed me from around my waist, and pulled my waist out of my body, I was still attached at the shoulders to my body, and whatever grabbed me was slipping. It slipped down further and was soon pulling at my ankles, so my waist and ankles were in the wall but my head and shoulders were still attached to me. When whatever grabbed me had finished losing its grip and slipping, I shot back into my body. I gasped for breath.

As that experience had scared me, I tried to hold onto my girl at the time. When I got close to her she hit me, and spoke in English and Spanish. She was basically saying, "Oh you're alive now!?! what the fuck you're alive??" She hit me a couple of times. When I told her the story she knew what had happened. That was part of the reason we stopped talking, and I may have actually pushed that spirit away that night. I'm sorry for doing that, but at the same time. Leave me alone, don't try to drag me out of my body.

Unexplainable

Ok this one I have a harder time explaining. One night I woke from my sleep, with the lights on. (I don't really sleep with the lights off, since Los Ojos de Linda, not in that house at least.)

It felt like there was something laying in my bed with me or something, I wasn't moving I was just looking around my room. I don't know if I felt something, or seen something, the next moment I was outside of my bed. I think that it felt like my my blankets were getting lifted although I'm not sure.

All I know is that I had found myself in the middle of my room staring at my bed, I think I seen a slight shadow but not really anything there. But it felt like something really evil was moving from my bed towards me. I yelled "Get the Fuck away from Me." Twice. I was so freaked out, and when I yelled that whatever I felt stopped approaching me and slowly left. I moved my bed, and a girl called my phone up.

She had never been to my house in Washington or really knew much about it, but she said she had a dream where she was running to go see me because something didn't feel right. She went to my house, ran down the stairs and seen a shadowy figure hovering over my bed. She grabbed me in her dream and pulled me away from it. She pretty much accurately described my house in the phone call. Talking to her probably made me more scared then whatever had just happened did haha.. That sucked..