Golden Handcuffs

I worked on oil rigs in Alaska for a few years.  My exit from one rig occasionally haunts me.  

So I'm writing this pretty much as a way of expressing what went wrong.   

I was working when the price of oil was very low and several rigs were stacking out (shutting down).

I kept getting sent to different rigs at a lower position after long layoffs,  where I had to adopt a "just happy to be here" attitude.   I ended up on one rig called "142".   On this rig things were a little more political than I was used of.

One day I decided to fill out green cards which were ideas for improvements. I filled out several cards that day, including redisigned pipe racks, modifications to the skate, potential problems that could be alleviated.  That same hitch I received a great review for my performance evaluation where my supervisor marked exceeds expectations in every category.  That was the best review I ever received on the oil field.  

I'm not sure what went wrong but I was "written up" that same hitch.   Somebody up high decided my performance was lacking.  They decided to make my next 3 months a living hell filled with paranoia before they ultimately ran me off of that rig.  

I came back the next hitch and was instantly attacked.  The toolpusher commented on the rigs condition and ordered me to get to cleaning "NOW!" After I finished doing his orders I was attacked for not doing other jobs that I should have accomplished while cleaning.  My toolpusher called me a "dumb ass native." and bumped me with his shoulder.  

They made a rig cleaning checklist and wrote that everything in my area needed to be worked on.  My relief handed me a note that he got from his supervisor saying "save it all for Dru."  That hitch I started recording everything, knowing that things weren't right.  I recorded my encounters with the toolpusher,  I recorded my encounters with the tower pusher who came up saying "what they're doing to you is not right and illegal."  I recorded a conversation with them saying I was "just another _____".  (crew member who repeatedly messed up.).  I was repeatedly bashed and talked bad about.  I'm not sure if other people were in on it, but I just scrubbed an area and an hour later was balled out for the area being messy.   I went and took a look and somebody had really trashed the place.  

The next hitch somebody got hurt and I moved up to fill in his position.  I felt like I did a good job and stayed busy at that position.  It was a break from my paranoia,  I was finally getting complimented as doing good.  Then 1 week into the hitch they called me into the office.  I recorded this as well.  I thought I was being offered a promotion, but I was being sent home and fired.  The whole crew was very upset at this point,  I almost got choked up from my crew being so upset.  

I was closing on a house, I HAD to keep working.

Anyways that was the closing of my time on that rig.  It still haunts me from time to time. Somehow 1 week after being "exceeds expectations." in every category, I was "needs improvement." in every single category.  

I called the office and had to beg for another job.  They told me to meet them in Anchorage, which I recorded as well.  They sent me to the "Steelhead" offshore rig.  A rig that wasn't easy to work on.  That rig was a constant learning experience.  That rig kicked my ass.  That rig also brought the love for Oilfield work back.  I came across a lot of people that were alot better and harder working than me,  I was able to shine because my problem solving ability was actually heard and respected.  My crew was pissed off just like me.  I fit in. 

However the poison from my run off experience was already instilled in me, so I decided to start saving up money and plan my exit from the oilfield.  My corporation took pretty good care of me from that point on.  I have all of this evidence but I would never take people down with me.  I ran into a pusher from another rig recently who said something like: "when are you coming back?"  my response was "why would I?  when I could provide for my family without it?"  I still have a lot of love for my crews, for a few of those crazy hard working miserable rigs. The rigs where you don't know how you're going to have energy for tomorrow.  But I hope I never ever ever have to go back to those golden handcuffs.

 

Killed it

I was explaining to Doz yesterday that I couldn't play good against certain people because of grudges or hate that I had for them.  I could play hard but wouldn't be able to shoot.   I started to play better because I killed that hate,  I'm only playing because basketball is fun for me. Why let anger or hate destroy that fun?   Once I kill the hate I'm free to focus on the things I want to do.

I noticed that in the Thanksgiving tournament I had fun when we were winning,  but hated the two games that we lost.   I switched the attitude for North American to have fun every game, and played alot better.  Our team came up short in both tournaments but I had more fun in North American.   If pressure to succeed,  pressure from a crowd,  or your friends is affecting your fun you have to kill the pressure.  

Once you learn to kill whatevers preventing you from doing what you want to do,  and focus on having fun,  everything becomes easier.  My last race at EWU I PR'd in 105 degree weather.  Beat a couple of people that were way faster than me.

Most of that season I would get mad because I was chasing a time,  I'd PR almost every race,  but would fall short of the expectations I had for myself.  Some of the faster people on our team would tell me, "You have to be happy,  you just ran faster than you've ever ran before".   But I would buckle under the pressure to succeed that I set for myself.  I wasn't supposed to race at conference, after my last meet I kind of partied for 3 days,  and then the coach said "You're going to Cali".   

When I got there it was ridiculously hot,  everybody else who was racing looked nervous,  and the people on our team said "Look at Dru,  he's bouncing around, looking relaxed." You can always do better than you did,   even in that race when my throat caught on fire it caught me off guard.  I slowed way down for a couple of laps because my throat was burning. But when it was all said and done that was one of my favorite races, because I killed the pressure and lived in the moment.

If what you're doing becomes more of a chore than fun,  learn to kill the negativity.      

My Complaints With Borderlands 2

The below list is taken from http://explosivealan.com/2012/10/02/10-reasons-i-hate-borderlands-2/

I'm adding my 2 cents at the bottom.

1. It seems intent on stopping me playing everything else.
2. I threw a gun away and felt slightly emotional about it and that’s really not normal.
3. Face McShooty’s never coming back, is he?
4. Why am I stuck on the ground in this stupid Bandit Technical when I could be in a Buzzard?
5. “No matter how much you tip her, Moxxi will never sleep with you.”*
6. I still haven’t earned my second turret.
7. I’m not allowed to live up to the reputation I apparently have among the Bandit population as a “midget lover”.
8. The Energizing Bane gun. But only because it renders you practically immobile. Otherwise I’d use it all the time, especially in co-op.
9. Christ it’s three in the morning and I’ve got work tomorrow and my eyes are really dry like painfully dry but I am halfway through a mission and I’m in the right place to finish up another one too so I might as well kill two birds with one oh Christ it’s four in the morning.

The Missions aren't always clear.  I didn't know that I had to kill every robot and scag in one mission to get a door to open so I spent hours trying to find a way into a place that didn't exist.  

If you turn off the game sometimes it starts you way back, disregarding previous saves.  Some of the side missions are ridiculously long,  and not well thought out.   I kind of wish there was a way to upgrade guns that you love,  to keep them relevant at least a little while longer. 

If you die they do a percentage of your money that automatically goes away,  so in one mission I can go from 20,000 to 6,000. 

I personally enjoyed Rage alot more,  because the missions felt more focused, and the vehicles drove a lot better.   However this is a game that I will complain about as I beat over and over again,  like Dead Rising 2

Indian

I remember growing up in McGrath Alaska.  Everytime I would get a tootsie pop I would look for the lucky Indian.   The Lucky Indian was rare,  but the local shop owner would give you a free tootsie pop if you found one.  I guess the lucky Indian was an urban legend,  that was so strong that a lot of stores adopted.  If you found a lucky indian you could redeem him for a prize.



I changed my design slightly from the original tootsie pop indian.  I gave him Timbs and a backpack.   Thought about giving him dre beats headphones but I liked the face how it was. 

I had to think about where I wanted the design on the shirt,  I wasn't sure if I wanted it off to the left,  or if I wanted the center of the weight to be in the middle.  I printed on some test shirts until I finally got the placement where I wanted. 

Permaset Supercover ink was used.   I printed on brown shirts with white ink.  Different color options were suggested,   I thought about other options but couldn't make my mind up so I went with white.

Alex a worker at Nomadic Stars told me I was pulling my shirts wrong.   He showed me a way that can prevent some stretching,  as well as keeping wet ink from getting on the shirt in places it shouldn't.   You start at the bottom and pull halfway up the shirt,   then go to the top and pull the shirt halfway.

After that is done you pull the shirt from the shoulders and put it in the oven.  The Lucky Indian Shirt is available at Yukon River Creations, in the Tanana Valley State Fair.

Nuchalawoyya Red and White

For my Nuchalawoyya sweaters I started off with American Apparel  sweaters.  I like them because they are light weight and soft.   I know in Alaska a lot of people want heavier sweaters in the winter,   but I think the sweaters are small enough to throw on under a jacket.

Before printing sweaters I have to make sure there's a lot of tact layed down.  When there isn't enough tact the sweater can lift off of the surface,  which can really mess up a print.

I lined the sweater up where I wanted it,  and made sure to press down,  so that the sweater would stick to the surface.

I printed the Nuchalawoyya and stars layer first. I chose to print this layer with white ink to make sure that it stood out from the black sweater.

I didn't like my first red color so I had to clear the screen out and start over.  The color wasn't bad it just was a little too dark.  I mixed in a little bit of yellow,  as suggested by Gary,  to brighten my red up a little bit. 

The red was still a little dark so I had to flash it.   This means that I put it under a heat source to dry the ink,  so I could print on it again.   I wanted the red to be bright,  but no so bright that it competes with the stars and Nuchalawoyya layer.  

After finishing the Nuchalawoyya sweater I put it in a rotating oven.  I would show this but this blog only allows me to post a few pictures per post.   The oven dries the ink and cooks it into the shirt.

After printing several shirts I noticed the white ink was starting to gunk up.   The finish line was really close with just 7 sweaters left to print.   Oden the owner of Nomadic Stars,  where I printed these shirts suggested that I take the white ink out and thin it out,  then reapply it to the screen.   Because the printing process was taking a long time and I still had another design to print,  my initial tendency was to just power through the gunky ink and get it done.  

However I remember what happened in my last print when I tried to just go through some gunky ink,  and how it messed up my last couple of prints.  So I did what was suggested.   It may have slowed me down by half an hour,   but it payed off.    

The final result is shown below.

My Mega Man approach to Running.

On my run yesterday I was thinking about some of my friends on the team at EWU. I was thinking about how Curtis Suver and Patrick Chessar would always tell me "Enjoy it, you're not going to win, gotta get pumpmed about the PR's" That used to annoy me, because I was rarely happy with how I was running.

I'd set goal times that were out of my reach and get mad everytime I didn't get them. The last two years that I ran for EWU I pretty much PR'd every single time I raced. Pretty soon my times weren't that bad anymore. I think what Suver and Chessar were trying to say is I gotta enjoy all of the little victories.

When you play Mega Man you pretty much get your ass kicked repeatedly. Every single level can seem impossible when you start playing. But then you take your time and eventually get better at each little section. By the time you're ready to face Dr. Whily you make all of the levels look easy. You don't get frustrated because you're getting yor ass kicked, you take all of the little victories and build off of them.

I went through injury after injury last year, and never got my mileage up. Working sitting down for 40 hours a week also contributed to my weight gain. This summer I'm taking my time and building my mileage slowly. I'll race occasionally and get my ass kicked, but I'm slowly getting faster. I probably ran around 50 miles last week, and even though I'm not seeing the results on the scale I would like to, I'm happy with the little victories. I mean look at where I was last year. I know if I can get my mileage up a little bit more, and add some speed wokouts, I'll eventually get to where I wanna be.

So yeah I might suck it up for a while, get my ass kicked, but each time I'm moving forward towards the goal. Even though I'm getting dominated by Bubble Man eventually I'll be beasting Quick Man and Metal Man, and maybe next year I'll be ready for Dr. Whily. Just taking it one day/one obstacle at a time, enjoying the little victories

.

Cheers, Dru-P

One mile at a time

Working on getting back in shape one day at a time. I'm using future races as motivation, but at the same time I'm trying to look at the big picture.

My first goal is to lose 20 lbs, I wanna lose between 20-40 lbs this summer. Which means I might not be competitive to race, because it's hard to drop weight and keep strength. Just listening to my body, and trying to slowly add mileage.

I had to take 2 weeks off to allow my knee to recover which slowed everything down, I ran short for 2 weeks, Did some short and long for a week. This week I'm trying to go long everyday, but if I have to stop I'll allow myself to stop, also I don't care how slow I'm running this week or next week. I'll try to go next week without stopping during my runs.

I'm not going to worry about speed for at least a month, the weight is the first issue that I have to deal with. When I ran out in Washington my weight ranged from like 140-180. I ran best between 150-155 out there. I'm sure I could have been lighter but I wasn't too concerned with all of that. After taking 2 weeks off for my knee I weighed myself at like 208, I think I was about 195 before taking 2 weeks off.

So if I'm in the 180's by Nuch I'll allow myself to run that race. If I'm in the 170's by WEIO I'll allow myself to run that race. Weight isn't that big of a factor, but it's about the big picture and overall health. When I got hurt I'm sure a lot of it was because I was playing on these hard ass basketball floors, running around, and just being fast and heavy. Just thought it would make things easier on me if I lost some weight. I also plan on going on a 3 day water diet at some point. I hardly ever drink water, I just drink Juice, Pop and Beer. So I'll eventually try to cut back a little on the non water drinks. eventually. haha

Good luck me,
Dru-P

Electrical Engineering

I recently explained to somebody why I don't have an Electrical Engineering degree.
It was a degree I was quietly pursuing for a while.

I slowly took the math and physics classes required for an Electrical Engineering degree, while taking Computer Science and circuits classes. However when I got into the real Electrical Engineering classes, it's like the class split into two groups. Who helped each other and did homework together.

Other then those two groups there were 2 genius's who worked by themselves... and me..

It was like they seperated me and alienated me. I was having a little trouble in the class, and didn't know where to get help. I was also taking some very hard Computer Science classes at the time. The Electrical Engineering class just had us drawing circuits over and over again, solving for various currents and resistances.

I asked somebody if this ever got fun for them, and they responded. "When I can't solve a circuit, and I finally get the answer, I get such a good feeling" I was like "F that I get that with programming." So I gracefully bowed out to pursue Computer Science. In my defense at the time I was also highly addicted to an online computer game called "Zombie Panic: Source".

Just thought I'd clear things up. Much respect to my electrical engineers, but they did do me a little dirty. The same people that I coached through math. If I ever consider engineering again it will probably be Computer Engineering or Mechanical Engineering.

Belieeeedat

It's 2011..

I hear all of these people saying, you need to stay at your job. Don't quit, be happy you got a job with this economy.. The reality of my job is it keeps me where I'm at. I'm broke 3 days before every paycheck. I got motivated with my side projects this much which brought home an additional 2,000. I thought that was good, until I realized that with the additional income I made 4,000 this month.

If I did that every month I'd be making 48,000 a year.. That's on the low end of what I should already be making. I think I should be making 50-100K a year.

So when you hear me complaining about my job, it's because I'm underpaid, I feel like I'm living in jail. Just surviving, and more importantly not happy.

So Now I'm trynna focus on things that make me happy.

I tried running all summer, but sitting around for more then 40 hours a week at work had me lazy. I never got in shape from running like I usually do this summer. But now it's cold out so I'll play basketball. I'm having more fun playing ball, and I put more into it. I won't go out and run for 3 hours a day, but I'll be at the gym for as long as I want.

I feel motivated to do music, even though I haven't put out a song since I got my job. I just let work take everything away from me. But I've dealt with problems at work, let my boss know I will smite him if he doesn't show proper respect to the godfather haha.

This is more of an update then anything else.. Currently working on getting in shape, and having fun, want to get started on some new songs and shows sometime soon. Cause Like Cartman Said "Butters, life goes by fast, if you don't stop to enjoy it, and do whatever you want all the time.. You could miss it"

Fight or Flight

It's crazy that people see a chip in the armor and come at me from all angles. There's a saying, never back an enemy into a corner. Fight or flight.

I've been backed into several corners, and have let the animal out on occasion.
I know only I can beheld accountable for my actions. But it's easy to cast judgement when you're peering through a window.

So right now I'm going to address some of the things I've heard lately.

"You're just a spoiled bitch, having your mom paying for your shit"

Uhmm, ok. First off Teisha, I work over 40 hours a week. And on top of that I take on side projects and work to make enough money to live a lifestyle that you call spoiled. This whole momma's boy thing is crazy, something I've dealt with my whole life. I love my mom and have been fortunate to have a mother who cares enough about me to help me from time to time.

I haven't lived at home with my mom since I was 15. I'm a nerd in school, and that helped pay for a lot of my education. My mom didn't earn my computer science degree, my mom didn't get me running at a Division 1 level. I worked hard for everything I have. Hardwork, dedication, heart, and a good head on my shoulders.

Although I love my family and brothers, they couldn't do what I did.

I've been broke broke, wondering how I'm going to eat broke. I've stolen for food, I've had times where I had no place to stay. All in pursuit of my goals.

3 days before VK passed he told me "You always have a place to stay, you've done so much work that you should never have to worry about that."

You've seen my truck. What about that makes you think I'm spoiled? I rise to the occasion. And am thankfull that I have been able to rise and rise again, until lambs become lions ;) I'm not hear because I fell down, I'm here because I got up. That's dedication, dedication is my heart. I dare you to take it from me.




"You're a fake Gangster"

I never try to act hard, I've never pretended to be a ganster. When BRoyal passed away, his killers started making threats on my life. That's when I started hanging out with the cuzzo's a lot more. They're my best friends, and always have my back.

If people are saying they're going to kill me, you can't blame me for my actions.

Sometimes I can't go out without worrying about getting jumped, so that makes me act irrational. I'm a nerd, I'm far from a gangster. Swagger of a pimp, mind of a gent.

Every move I made I had my heart in it.


"You're going nowhere with music"

I haven't recorded a song in 9 months. I've been busy working, but I'm still getting paid off my albums. I have produced for several celeberities. My heads just not in music at this exact second.

I've never claimed to be the greatest, or untouchable, or anything. I do music for myself, as an outlet. So me going nowhere doesn't effect me right now. I'm Winning.

Hi haters, sorry for the hiatus.

I'm just warming up. I understand that I put myself up for scrutiny. If you do anything you have the risk of failing miserably. I do not apologize for any of my actions. You go all out or be gone. But if you come at me with a full head of steam, don't cry like a victim if you are publicly smited.

You're welcome,
Dru-P

Running in 2011

When I went to Eastern Washington I went from running 0 to 70 miles a week in one week. My mindstate at the time was get in shape or get injured.

When I got back on the team after getting cut, I was running 70 miles a week, but I forgot how to race. Last year I once again suffered from not racing. I trained for one race and since I didn't have any other races under my belt, when things went bad, I got caught up in robot mode.

A mode where it's like my legs and lungs can push harder, but I'm just not mentally there. I wasn't in as good of shape as some of the other runners, but I still think I should have done a lot better.

Now in 2011 after having an office job, I've recently realized that I'm way out of shape. Way way out of shape. I guess thinking about it, I set myself up to be so out of shape. I'd eat junk food, go to work, sit down all day, drink pop. Go home just to lay around and watch Movies with my girlfrann. And She's the type of girl who couldn't gain a pound if she tried.

I started running about a month ago, but I would just go for a little while, and do the same short run over and over again. If it wasn't nice out I wouldn't run, but that's a problem in Alaska. The weather changes all the time, if I want to wait for nice days, I could be waiting for 2 weeks... Sometimes. And I'd keep telling myself that next week I'll step up my training, next week I'mma start pushing myself. I'd Play in basketball tourneys and do pretty good, which made me falsely believe I was in shape.

That all led to me staying the same, my attempts to run just made me lazier. Last week I kind of looked in the mirror at myself, like damn you fat bastard. What the fuck!? So I've been trying to step my training up. My mindstate isn't get in shape or get injured anymore. It's more get in shape safely.

This means running everyday, even if I feel like crap, or it's horrible outside. Doing hard days and easy days. The hard days might be just running more then 3 miles right now, as opposed to the easy days being shorter runs. In the past a hard day was a speed work out while the easy day would be an easy 13 mile run.

I'm going to have to push myself, just to get back up to high mileage. Also I need to do more then just one race, this means I have to put myself in a position to lose. Fear of losing is a huge driving force for me, but if I want to compete and win later I have to be able to lose right now.

If I get in a race right now and get my ass kicked, it'll set my body up for the next race. In 2011 I'm taking everything 1 day at a time, I'm not saying I'm going to just go out there and dominate. But I'mma do more steps to prepare myself.

Scrub now to shine later. It's going to be a lot of work, but hopefully I'm up for it.

lets have a toast

So when I was out in Washington on the track team, a lot of people
on the team would straight up hate our other teammates.
Me and my boy E Walt never let any of our annoyances get to that point.
If somebody on the team annoyed us, we'd just say "Shut the Fuck Up" and get it out of our system.

Most of the team would just hold everything in. I think the term for that is called, being polite or something. There's a time for being polite and all, but there's also a time when you need to just say what's on your mind. You can't just let people walk over you. There's no need to let your annoyances grow. Just gotta say what's on your mind and get it out of your system sometimes.

That's where I'm at right now. I've been being polite to my boss. Too polite.
So I'm getting mad everytime he insults me. Hell I'm at a point where his voice pisses me off. I can't do that. I gotta bring back the asshole. If he smells like piss, I need to tell him to back the fuck up, or take a shower. If he's trying to take over my projects, just gotta verbally backhand him.

I'm a minority, which means I grew up getting made fun of. But more importantly I grew up making fun of people. It's all love. I can't just hold everything in. Gotta bring back the clown, rebirth of the asshole. Otherwise I'll go crazy. Cheers.. Let's have a toast to the douche bags, let's have a toast for the assholes. Let's have a toast for the scum bags, every one of them that I know.

Being an asshole won't make me magically like my boss, or anything. But it's going to keep me from hating him. And more importantly keep me from hating my job, thus improving the quality of life. haha

Dru-P

The Other Side

Alright so there are two sides to every story. Two sides to every coin, or however that saying goes. I don't really get the opportunity to vent, that often. If I have drama I handle it, the whole world doesn't need to know.

I guess, everytime I have drama with the old (young) lady, she tells all her friends about it. So then I hear her guy friends telling her, "Just break up with him" or "He's not worth it", and then saying, "Come over." Or some crazy shit like that. Her girls tell her the same thing. But those bitches need to look in the mirror, everytime they get drunk they get emotional. They're single, and like they say, misery loves company.

I don't feel threatened by her guy friends, or those girls either. I just feel a little disrespected that they would put my name in their mouth. None of them know me, they don't know what I've been through, they don't know what I put up with, or do every single day. They just hear the bad and think they can disrespect me by putting my name in their mouth. Fuck yall.

I work my ass off. Every single day I let my girl know that she's loved, I spoil her. I love her.. There's good and bad, but mostly good in our relationship. When people start rumors, or just speak on me in a negative light. I ask you, what the fuck have you done in your life?

Like Atoine Ego said in Rattatouille,

"We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and read. But the bitter truth we critics must face, is the average piece of junk, is probably more meaningfull then the criticism designating it so."

or in the words of Kanyeezy

"Tell the critics they can kiss my whole ass, oh I'm an asshole? Ya'll ni***s got joooooookes"..

or in the words of Jay-Z, "Fuck the other side, they jealous."

I know that in this world there are a lot of snakes in the grass. But sometimes it feels like everybody around me is a hair from Medusa. The creeps are going to creep. But step your game up at least, make up some more believable rumors. Some of you so called friends, need to get a life, or something. Work on yourself, before you feel the need to F my ish up.

I don't want to speak on my girl negatively. She deserves more then to be put in peoples mouths. I want everybody to see her as amazing as I do. Sorry I got kind of distracted and caught up on her friends, and didn't really tell much of my side of the story. I guess I'm just trying to say I love her, and if you're against that in any way.. Fuck You



Dru-P Signing Out

Happy New Year

So 2010 was pretty much the shizzle.. Started off with youuuu knowww, then it got better. Finished my album "Nuchalawoyya" which besides track 2 came out exactly how I imagined it. I didn't market it or sell it how I should have, but I can work on selling it more in 2011.

I left EWU on top of the world, pretty much felt like the whole school was showing me love. Guess that's what happens when you're Van Wilder haha. They seen me down and brought me back up before I left. When I came back to Alaska, all of the kings horses and all of the kings men couldn't put humpty back together again.

I came back and was way out of shape, everybody clowned until I lost like 20 pounds, which may have came back this winter lol. I took a loss at the World Eskimo Indian Olympics, for the first time in like five years. But it's all good I deserved to lose..

Also I started playing basketball again this summer, and even though I don't have my handles like I used to, my shot's probably better then it used to be. Other then all of that I got a girlfrannnn. She's my baby baby bumpersticker doodleskins and I looove her. :) :) My Poca Poca.

Ummm.................. in 2011 I plan on getting back in shape, learning to cook, doing at least 1 mixtape, getting a better job, and all of that goot shtufff.. Mad at the world, while I'm Wishing ya'll a Happy New Year.. haha hope ya'll have a good one.

Shout out to C-Lay, Rodney Stuckey, Ant Shears, Kenny D, Mike D, Mike B, K Geezy, My family, and all of the cuzzos.

Dru-P

Can't Sleep

"I don't wanna live no more, sometimes I hear death nocking at the front door,

I'm living every day like a hustle, another drug to juggle, another day another struggle"

-Notorious B.I.G.

Not exactly how I feel, but sometimes it's like the whole world is against you.

I have a poster from a Kanye West album on my wall. The poster is of a bear being

shot from a cannon, and the bear looks so free. The bear is on that spaceship.

Sometimes I look at that bear with envious eyes. Like the words of Kanye,

"Wait until I get my moneyyyy righhhht, then you can't tell me nothing rigggght."

"To whom, much is given, much is tested."

If I was that bear I'd probably crash into a building, or everybody around me would construct some kind of net to catch me. I'd be like one of those slow dogs thinking I escaped, when really I'm about to hit the end of the chain and choke myself. Really though, to whom, much is given much is tested. At the same time, I'm always free.

I've been getting calls from employers, all they do is brag about me, sometimes they call me overqualified. So I walk away from interviews feeling on top of the world, and then a couple of days later I never get a call back. Yup Yup.. Pretty full of win.. I respond by pretending to not care about money, because in my mind I'm on that spaceship.

The other thing that's been killing me, is making the same mistakes over and over again. I'll just tell myself I'm right, riiiiiiight.

Well anyways, Goodmorning.. Goodnight..

Dru-P

Random thoughts

People ask me how I stay so humble, how I don't hold my accomplishments over other people's heads. How I don't look down on others. Honestly it's the same reason why I'm single.

Everyday I usually tell myself that I ain't shit. That I'm a loser, most of the trash people talk is just confirmation to what I'm already thinking. "I don't wanna live no more, sometimes I hear death nocking at my front door" - Biggie

Ever since I didn't answer the phone when Sharon hit me up, and that same night she well you already know. I'll have nights where I need to talk on the phone. Tonight's one of those nights but nobody's answering.

Feels like I've been holding everything in, I'm in love with a girl but she's not my girl. We treat it like the biggest secret in the world, and honestly I don't like that. Reminds me of me and misses V, except I pretend that I'm with a good girl this time. Like F the truth, I'd rather live in my own blind state of mind and be happy then face reality right now.

I train hard because I assume I have no talent and need to work for every inch. Nothing's ever good enough. Everybody is better then me.

I would do anything for anybody, But I feel like ya'll spit in my face sometimes. All I can do is prepare myself, train and work hard to be the best that I can be. I wish I had somebody to hold me down, but I can't worry about all that. I can go in on myself, I can bring myself down, but at the end of the day I gotta stay strong and focused.

You can hate me, you're allowed to hate me. I'm allowed to hate me. But always remember, I love you.

Dru-P

Negativity

What I've come to realize is I thrive off of negativity. When I first went to EWU we had an asshole coach, everyday in practice he'd have something crazy to say to me.

He would say "You're not in high school anymore."
"Welcome to D-1"

If I wasn't doing good in a work out "Dru go run with the girls!!"

Then when I did good instead of praising me I'd hear him ball everybody else out for losing to me.

I loved that shit, everyday I just wanted to prove to him and myself that I could run and do well at that level. I put in work, then at the end of the year he said "Dru lose 10 pounds or your off the team"..

That's when I left the team for a while, I think that right there might of messed my head up.

When I came back to Alaska recently from Washington, everybody was like "Dam Dru, you got fat", "What you ain't running anymore?", "Looking pretty healthy Dru." and so on.. It's alright if the cousins clown me or people I'm close to, but when people I don't know come up and start saying that ish it started to piss me off. I used it as motivation, and laughed it off for a month.

Worked hard and lost 15 to 20 pounds in a month, and then people were still clowning. That's when it got crazy for me because I been putting in work and ya'll are still teasing me? I wanted to respond "Dam you got ugly" when somebody said "Dam you got fat" haha.. It almost made me want to be a hater myself.. Even the cousins got tired of hearing me get clowned on, like aiight jokes over..

But at the same time I love that, I use it.. It makes me want to work hard everyday, push myself. I don't know what kind of shape I'm in right now, but I know I've been working hard. I can look in the mirror with no shirt on and be like 50% happy right now haha. halfway superman..

It all comes back around, people are starting to show me love right now. And that has me missing the negativity almost. I assume my competition is better then me, in better shape, working harder. Out of every race there is only 1 winner, winning isn't normal, so why should I try to be normal.

Teachers would make fun of my work, they would roast me. Because they said I could take it, and if they used others as an example they would probably break down. Negativity is a gift and a curse. Nothings ever good enough, all you can do is try to find perfection in the imperfections. But that never works for me, I thrive in the storm. Bring me drama, make me feel worthless, and I'll love you forever.

Dru-P

Thoughts on Nuchalawoyya

Nuchalawoyya thoughts- track by track

Intro-

This is an athabascan prayer said by Helen Peters. I originally wanted the Nuchalawoyya song to be sang, but I had issues getting people together, and I thought the prayer had more impact. When she first said the prayer something went wrong with the computer and it kind of made her voice go in slow motion, sounded scary. Glad I got it fixed hahah.

Back Again-

At this time the chorus still needs to be redone for this song, I'm debating on what I'm trying to do for the chorus. In Back Again I say "After the storm we tried to see the sunlight, who would of knew Mary Edwin's son was so bright, but too much sunshine ain't always pleasant, without the rain you're just left with a desert." There's a lot in those 4 lines, basically referencing our first 2 albums, "After the Storm", "See the Sunlight", saying that I'm shining now, but I can't always shine, can't always be all good. Just gotta push through.

Do it For You-

I originally didn't want to rap on this song I just wanted to do the chorus, but I liked what I did say. I addressed the trial with Billy Royal Moreland, where we lost very publicly in court. Talked about how that made me psycho and how I kind of held everything in.

Come with Us-

I think this will be a lot of people's favorite song off of Nuchalawoyya. It just has a feel good classic type of vibe to it. I had this beat laying around, we were listening to some of our old freestyles one day and were like dam that beat goes hard, so we put it on and went to work. We recorded this at the Mission. Clay killed it on this song, one of the funnest songs I remember recording haha..

They Got Him Skit-

When we were doing "Seen the Teeth" we were kind of partying at the mission, and somebody nocked on the door crying, saying "Booger's Dead".. This was on Christmas, and you know we lost VK the year before on Christmas. We just said "That ain't real!!", "Booger ain't dead".. and closed the door and kept on recording. Come to find out he really did get stabbed and almost passed away that night, hahaha.. Poor Boog

Seen The Teeth-

As I already said we were kind of partying when this song was made, I like this song though, to the people who look at what I say in this song and judge me for it. Just know that in between albums I spent days so broke I was like "How am I going to eat??", When you get that hungry, and you see somebody eating, it's animal nature to rob them. I spent times where I was so heartbroke seeing everybody else in a relationship, where all the good girls are taken. So Why not rob somebody of their girlfriend?? You can judge me all day but I never claimed to be perfect haha..

Keep On Keeping On-

Vaughn did a song way back in the day where he said "and I'mma keep on keeping on over and over". That was kind of the theme behind this song. Also, people in Alaska forget that we live in Paradise. Like alright I'm having a bad day, but still it's a good day, just look outside.

This song starts off with a cop leaving me a voicemail, at the time I had a warrant out for my arrest, for a robbery that happened in Alaska when I was in Washington. The cop sounded like a creep saying "Dru-P" so I had to put it on the album. We talk about things we were going through, like you can throw all that at me and I'm still going to shine.

One of These Mornings-

My favorite sample on the album the beat just sounds clean. "One of these mornings, it won't be very long, they will look for me, and I'llllll be gonnnne"... We're talking about just getting the F**k up outta here, throwing a smoke bomb and arriving somewhere else.. Like Peace Cuz

Got What it Takes-

Haha Clay wrote this chorus when I was in California competing at Big Sky Conference championships for track. "I got my 1:30 ho's, 2:30 ho's, my 3:30's love to get down" That pretty much explains it, message me and I'll explain more hahaha..

Ak's Finest-

I was kind of in the storm when we did this song. Clay flew out to Washington to work on the album, and we kind of partied for 4 days.. I thought my track season was over and then coach calls me and said I qualified for Conference. I felt bad, I still feel like we both did good on this song. I didn't know what to say so I just wrote the most ridiculous ish I could think of.

Oh yeah and at Conference after 4 days of partying, I raced in 105+ degree weather and PR'd, did way better then I was supposed to. Basically just represented.

Represent-

The theme of this song was kind of like "Bitch Girl" where I just wanted to clown. I said we'd trade off every 8 bars, and we did that throughout the whole song. We started out clowning then each of our verses got better and better throughout the song. I really like the chorus, it's like it'll lift you up. Clay killed it on this song.

Another Day Another Dollar-

Squidward "Another Day another Nickel" haha.. This song was tight I love the beat, something ya'll can native dance to haha. I wrote my verse off of the Ga'leeya song. So I take pieces of that song and throw it into my rap. "Oh heya hey heeya- heyda heytz he's dumb"..

I say some ish on this song but I don't know if ya'll will understand it haha.

Invasion-

This is kind of like American Holocaust. I talk about what happened with natives, and what's going on today. Clay's mad that he never got to kill this beat, but in concerts he's going to perform something on this too.

Doz skit-

This was originally supposed to be a skit where I'd let Dozer do something. Let him do a freestyle or whatever he wanted. Because he been going on stage with us for years and he hasn't been on a single album yet. However, Ish happened during Nuchalawoyya and Doz had to go back to Fairbanks before I got home from the fireline, so it was replaced with a J Buck imitation skit haha..

Time Away-

This is a remix with Clay on it. You can youtube Dru-P Time Away to see the original.

Falling (R.I.P. VK)-

Had to dedicate a song to Vaughn, my verse talks about the days when he first passed, Clays verse is about getting back up from falling. Cuz there ain't no victims around here!

My Momma-

Had to show love to our momma's. Cuz we never really had no Dad's growing up.

Plus both Clay and I have had to listen to people talk bad about or mom's when we were young, you never really forget what people say. This song is showing or mom's some love. Love conquers all.

Sweet Dreams-

This is a bonus track, On my part I talk about dreaming I'm still with Paula. I was having dreams at the time of her, and it was kind of pissing me off haha, and then I go on to talk about how my dreams fuel me. It kind of has a native drum beat to it..

Outro-

Nuchalawoyya song, and then a late elder explains that the song was made by 2 guys coming down on a raft. And how she'll never forget the song they sang, when she was just 12 years old.

What I think about Nuch as a whole

I say Nuchalawoyya is us, it's empowerment, coming together. I guess I just wanted my production to sound fresh throughout it all. It's kind of like a Clipse album, the first time you hear it you might have two or three songs that you like. Then on the second and third listen you like the other songs, and pretty soon you're going to be feeling it.

But just like the Clipse albums, not everybody is going to feel it. Nuchalawoyya doesn't have a "Better Days", it doesn't have a single that stands out, I think the whole album stands out. It's like "For the Fam" where we didn't worry about making the songs appeal to everyone, we just had fun making songs.

I know I got a big fanbase of 12 year olds who wanna hear me talk about girls, and do songs that read like a diary. Like awwe Poor Dru-P :( hahaha.. I'm worried that Nuch only has like 4 songs like that, but at the same time it's more focused then the songs that my myspace fanbase is used of hearing. Also another complaint I have is there aren't enough story songs. But it's all good as long as we can paint a picture

Nuchalawoyya is a collection of anthems that describe how we're living. The good, the bad, competition, girls, eha ha na ha, family, culture, everything. It's the most native album that has ever been made. It might cure cancer. Onee' Nuchalawoyya

I hope ya'll listen, we worked hard on this. Hi haters, sorry for the hiatus. But we're back now. Theme music, Feel Good Music, let's start the movement...

hhaha

Dru-P

A problem of mine

So when I broke up with P I was really messed up, I wasn't sleeping, I was kind of crazy. One night after we had an argument on the phone I just kind of hid out in my room.

That night Sharon called me up, and she tried to talk to me on myspace too, but I was just really heartbroke I didn't want to talk to anybody. The next day I found out that Sharon had passed away, and I felt like it was my fault. Like I should have answered the phone, that all just added to the storm that I was in.

Clay came through and we did the second half of our album, Dedication in like 5 days. That pretty much got me out of the storm for a week but as soon as he left I was back to not sleeping again.

Eventually I started calling girls up and talking to them, and for some reason that helped me to sleep at night.. That lead to some drama because some girls would catch feelings for me when all I was doing was talking to them, but I mean it helped me to get through everything.

Now that it's been like 3 years since I dated P I don't need to talk on the phone anymore to go to sleep, but occasionally I'll have a night where I feel like I need to talk... The only problem is, now I don't have anybody to call..

So I'm looking for a new line up.. Because I don't even have any prospects haha

Dru-P

Poems, thoughts, and songs from the fireline

After about day 9 of firefighting and being in the woods I ran into somebody named Rambo who was on a camp crew. He had a notebook and I asked him to get me one. So after 9 days of firefighting I started writing. It was cold wet and miserable, I was kinda feeling down. This is what I did to cope. A collection of poems, songs and thoughts from the fireline. I know they're kind of sad, but it gave me something to put my mind into. There's more just didn't feel like sharing everything I wrote. I filled that whole little notebook in like 4 days haha..

Misses V

Misses V are you missing me?

Did you think of him

when kissing me?

You can learn something from everything

what was I meant to see?

Some things just ain't meant to be

a lot of cracks in our history

Painfully refreshing, listerine

La jefa la reyna

a Bitch or queen?

Hair, smile and a booty can't fit in jeans

To tell you the truth, I'm missing you

I'd give anything just to visit you

Every second every hour I think of you

Angels exist, living proof

You will always be loved, I will always love you

So sorry for the trouble, there's no others above you

Los ojos, el pelo, but most of all your touch

Thankfull to know you, still love you so much..

I hope he (Variation 1)

I hope he gives you everything your heart could desire

and treats you better then you've ever been treated

I hope he has you feeling, loved, wanted, respected and needed

Most importantly gives you something to believe in

I hope he makes you smile and makes you laugh

and makes the present forget the past..

I hope ya'll have a blast

I hope one day ya'll are driving fast, and both ya'll fucking crash

You left me for him.. Kiss my fucking ass

I hope he (Variation 2)

I hope he gives you everything your heart could desire

and treats you better then you've ever been treated

I hope he has you feeling, loved, wanted, respected and needed

Most importantly gives you something to believe in

I hope he makes you smile and makes you laugh

and makes the present forget the past..

Because you deserve nothing less then the best

something like perfection

cuz you're the strongest person I know

from only you I accept rejection.

And if your man ever messes up

in the slightest bit at all

I hope you still have my number

Give me a call

If today was my last day

Tell Paula I love her

Tell Judy I miss her

Tell my momma I'm sorry

Hug my brothers and sisters

Tell Kim I tried

Give the cuzzos my ride

I've been staring through the window

and now I'm inside

Tell Clay hold it down

Tell Dozer start living

Tell my fans I love them

tell the haters they're forgiven

Tell my killer thank you

Tell the world I'm free

Give my heart to my fam

and Bury me a G

Morena Morena "Mi Favorito"

Morena Morena

I wish you existed

Morena Morena

You've got me so grifted

mas bonita del mundo

smart, uplifting, beautiful

the most amazing girl that you could know

hard working, intelligent and musical

I wish you really existed

curly hair pretty smile and through her almond eyes

is a wold that's different

Morena Morena

I wish you were real

Morena Morena

You help me to feel

If you were real I'd be afraid to know you

Couldn't imagine all the things I go through

I wish you were here and I miss you so much

Even though we never met You're always cheering me up

Just the thought of somebody so perfect

smart funny and a real hard worker

If you were mine you'd be la reyna

I hope one day to meet a Morena

Get me the fuck up out of Here

My head hurts shoulders hurt

feet hurt hands swollen

gotta stomache ache, back ache, no pain showing

cold feet, wet boots, miles left of walking

No girls, no food, and people won't stop talking

Heartbroke no hope can't seem to focus

body drained, mind strained bugs swarming like locust

rain coming, feet moving, can't see clear

Somebody please get me the fuck up out of here!!

Nothing

Going through the motions, eating breathing robotic

emotionless narcotic with nothing to do

Sometimes I fear having nothing to prove

even more having nothing to look forward to

"nothing" will kill you

when asked if I have a problem I'll say it's nothing

probably bluffing, sometimes nothing is so handcuffing

But nothing is what I pretend to need

cut deep with nothing to bleed

They say man comes with a hole in his heart and nothing can fill it

Thought Judy and Paula helped they only made the hole bigger

Sometimes I just fire when nothing is the trigger

nothing, de nada another part of living

How do you solve a problem when nothing can fix it??

I got hate in my heart

I got hate in my heart for the mother fucker that killed Billy

For the court, the jury and his family as they all smiled when his killer walked free

I got hate in my heart for the cop that killed Sonya

For the rope that took too many of my friends to name

I got hate in my heart for Mathew Stevens

That softy still talking shit after our cousin got killed

making threats not knowing it's on when I see him

I got hate for my demons. Maybe the hate is from my dad when he was mad

watching him beat my mother, just me and my brothers hiding underneath them covers

wondering how he could do that if he really loved her.

I hold no hate for the teasing in my upbringing

but the scars don't go away they only deepen.

They say let it go. Take it as a lesson

But that hate drives me, and my lifes still threatened

the hate inspires me, keeps me sharp

Sometimes you have to strike first when you carry a target

the hate will kill you

it's hard to deal with

But when you're numb for so long it's a constant feeling

I was born with hate coming up as a native

it ain't going nowhere might as well just embrace it

A letter to Paula

From time to time I still think about you. I still miss you.

You showed me what love is and I threw it away. I know I messed up,

you always deserved better then the way that I treated you..

We choose to remember what we choose to remember

and all I remember is good. When you left I forgot how to act,

I was lost without you. I apologize for all of my actions.

I still think that you're beautiful, smart, funny and that you have a real big heart.

Thank you for showing me what love is. I learned a lot from you.

You treated me better then I ever deserved to be treated.

And were there for me whenever needed.

You deserve the best for all the work you put in.

Just for the person you are.

You're beautiful and I will always love you.

Thank You

Dru-P

I'll do my crying in the Rain

I'll do my crying in the rain

let them drops cover shame

can't be seen in this state

let that rain hide my face

I'll do my crying in the rain

let it wash away my pain

can't be seen in this state

let them drops cover shame

I've been hurting for weeks

and holding the pain in

cold wet and miserable

no need for explaining

Been trying so hard

but nothing is changing

Since she left

it hasn't stopped raining

If she seen me

She'd call me names

Not knowing she's the source of all my pain

and I don't really have anyone to blame

I'll do my crying in the rain

I'll do my crying in the rain

let them drops cover shame

can't be seen in this state

let that rain hide my face

I'll do my crying in the rain

let it wash away my pain

can't be seen in this state

let them drops cover shame

She hurt me bad, she cut me deep

Since she left can't seem to sleep

Wipe them tears off with my shirt

put on my hat and go to work

I'll do my crying in the rain

Cuz she can't see me in no pain

Opened my mouth and only said hi

Tried to talk but my tounge got tied

With so much pain deep down inside

and all this pain I have to hide

I'll do my cryin in the rain

wait baby please let me explain

She's happy now with another

Just can't let her see me suffer

I'll do my crying in the rain

Let them drops cover shame

She's happy now with another

Please don't let her see me suffer

Still love her

Wish she didn't do that, Not Man enough to Stop her

Wish she didn't do that, not man enough to stop her

My baby is so dam crazy and she never acting proper

All I do is spoil her, treat her like the best

In the back of my mind knowing she's still messing with her ex

I'm looking for something that could never really be

But at the same time I enjoy her company

When I try to confront her, she says it is what it is

I pretend that it isn't and everyday I wish

I wish she didn't do that, not man enough to stop her

Thinking she'll change but she's stuck in her ways

My girl "Friends" wanna punch her in the face

But there's comfort in the pain, passion in her eyes

Love in her smile and beauty in her soul

My heart was shattered and she made it whole

I'd give her the world and never abuse her

Not man enough to stop her, cuz I couldn't stand to lose her

(such a f'n loser :( hahahha))

Untitled

Every girl I ever had said she regretted ever knowing me

treated some good never let some close to me

and daddy wished he never had me

There once was love

Now they all just attack me

I don't like good girls, I like the mean ones

So every relationship is like a re run

Starts out good then they get their cheat on

I just want somebody to lean on

So lets have some fun,

please don't get upset

I'd love to be your next regret

It don't gotta be deep I don't need to trust you

to my daddy and them girls

just know I still love you...

Always

Mind Over Matter

Mind over matter

Gotta keep my mind over matter

I don't love you I love your illusion

You're beautiful, sexy amazing..

I even love that you're crazy

But I can't base everything off of attraction

mind over matter

Brains over passsion

Because what I have in my heart is everlasting

Beauty fades but dumb is forever

Dumb is contagious

Miss being Dumb together

When the memories hurt

I practice convenient amnesia

Just pretend it never happened

and I didn't have to leave ya

Your illusion can change, if I give it some time

I was blind to deception

Clueless to the lies

You ruined that perception

I'll heal if I try

Mind over matter keep my mind over matter

my minds all that matters

though I'm reminded far after...

(In response to mind over matter)

At the end of the day it's all in my head

Mind over matter just doesn't sound right

what do you do when your mind isn't right??

Blog

When I say I miss Paula that's only halfway true.

We haven't talked in like 3 years, I miss the idea of her. I miss the security.

I miss the love and trust. But I honestly don't remember her touch. She took care of me, cooked for me some bomb ass food. I miss talking to her. I know she's way different now, I know I'm different now, I know I didn't always treat her good or let her know what was on my mind. I know I fucked up. She told me all I represented was attraction. So after we broke up I promised myself that in my next relationship I would try harder. Met misses V and all I did was spoil her because she was the wold to me. I feel like I wasn't always real with Misses V. She wasn't looking for a man and all that had me confused. I love misses V but I guess some things just ain't meant to be. Even though we were never as close she got me back to living.

Gave me a new girl to miss. Made me feel again. I guess she insipred me. I'm not worried too much about finding a girl, but right now I could use one. I want somebody to spoil, I want somebody to talk to.

You might read this and think I'm soft. I wrote this all while wildland firefighting. While working hard, getting rained on, being miserable. So of course my mind would wander to better days and times. When I'm out here in the woods I'm alone and lonely. I miss and love Misses V, and Paula but at the same time I focus on me. They both have new boyfriends I'm still single. I work hard today for a brighter tomorrow, but always remember.

Dru-P loves you